[It's nice thinking that Connor can do that, keep Sean out of jail and keep him from being deported. It's a really nice dream. He just rests his chin back on Connor's shoulder again, and tries not to hope too much, even as he finds himself hoping a little.]
I don't want to leave either. I've gotten too used to American food and American men to want to go back. And we still need to go on that date out to Comerica Park. You owe me a beer there. And if we can't have it there, then... then you can fly to Ireland, and I'll show you around there, and we can get a pint. Your treat.
[Connor smiles, a little bit shaky but relieved that Sean really does seem to still want to give this a chance. He shifts a little, tucking a thin shoulder against Sean's chest.]
You know, I really think I'd like that. I've never been outside the US before. But I don't think I could go and visit without wanting to actually be with you. I don't know if I could go the entire visit without kissing you. Unless we hid out somewhere maybe. That's an option.
[Sean's quiet for a bit as he thinks about it. It's one thing for Sean to keep himself firmly tucked in a closet. But... it's not fair to ask the same of Connor. He's not the one with hang-ups... and he's not the one afraid of losing his mother's love. Sean just stays tucked in close, his arm around Connor as he thinks.]
I... I wouldn't want to go the whole visit without kissing you either. And I'd want you to meet my ma. I think you'd get along. She's stern, and very serious, but she's got a good heart too.
[It's hard to say outright that he'd be willing to come out for Connor's sake, especially when Sean's not sure he can. He doesn't want to make his family have any reason not to love him anymore. Even if it's ridiculous... But he just gives Connor a squeeze.]
If you come for a visit, I'll... I'll talk to ma. Before you show up. So she understands.
[Connor's thoughts run along identical lines. He wouldn't put Sean at risk of ostracism. His family loves him. He has a family that loves him. He wouldn't fuck that up for Sean for anything, even his own wants.
But they'd cross that bridge if they came to it. They'd talk it out and Sean could talk to his mother and maybe they could decide how to proceed from there.]
Even if you stay stateside I'd still like to go and visit. I think maybe it would be good for you to get to see her.
... yeah, it would be. I've missed her a lot. And uh. You can't go home after you've overstayed your visa. They don't let you in a second time.
[It's a nice thought, showing Connor around his home, and having him meet ma, and Eliza... but not Colin. Hopefully he'll be away at university if they go because Colin's such an asshole. But, he can show Connor the meadow he used to go play in as a kid, and take him down to the seaside to see the sites, and maybe up to some of the burial mounds nearby. Sean bets Connor would probably love the older stuff, he's smart, history is for smart people.
He doesn't want to hope, but he does anyway. It's what Sean's best at.
Connor's tired though, and Sean gives him another soft kiss on the shoulder.]
Do you need me to go so you can sleep or... do you want me to stay with you a while longer?
[It makes Sean so angry thinking about what they did to Connor. All the shit they convinced him was real that isn't. Taking a small kid and telling him hey, you're a tool for us to use, and we have a back-up waiting in the wings to take your place the moment we decide you've failed. Your only job is investigating things, and we're going to make you grow up without people, because clearly you'll do your best job when you don't know how to take care of yourself, or how to make yourself happy, or how to feel like you're worth something. Jesus Christ. He just tucks himself that one last half-inch closer, so they're perfectly nestled together like a pair of spoons.]
I don't want to go. I'm going to stay here until someone kicks me out.
[And that's exactly what Sean does, staying wrapped around Connor all through the night. He sleeps easier this way, and after the past few days in a holding cell, Sean's as tired as Connor is. He just keeps his arm around Connor and keeps him close, careful not to jostle Connor or hurt his wound any. He doesn't feel any more doubts about his choices after that, because he's made it. He's sticking with Connor.
And maybe someday soon, he'll introduce Connor to his mother as more than just a friend.]
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(no subject)
6/11/18 04:19 (UTC)I don't want to leave either. I've gotten too used to American food and American men to want to go back. And we still need to go on that date out to Comerica Park. You owe me a beer there. And if we can't have it there, then... then you can fly to Ireland, and I'll show you around there, and we can get a pint. Your treat.
(no subject)
6/11/18 04:43 (UTC)You know, I really think I'd like that. I've never been outside the US before. But I don't think I could go and visit without wanting to actually be with you. I don't know if I could go the entire visit without kissing you. Unless we hid out somewhere maybe. That's an option.
(no subject)
6/11/18 06:02 (UTC)I... I wouldn't want to go the whole visit without kissing you either. And I'd want you to meet my ma. I think you'd get along. She's stern, and very serious, but she's got a good heart too.
[It's hard to say outright that he'd be willing to come out for Connor's sake, especially when Sean's not sure he can. He doesn't want to make his family have any reason not to love him anymore. Even if it's ridiculous... But he just gives Connor a squeeze.]
If you come for a visit, I'll... I'll talk to ma. Before you show up. So she understands.
(no subject)
6/11/18 06:34 (UTC)But they'd cross that bridge if they came to it. They'd talk it out and Sean could talk to his mother and maybe they could decide how to proceed from there.]
Even if you stay stateside I'd still like to go and visit. I think maybe it would be good for you to get to see her.
(no subject)
6/11/18 07:10 (UTC)[It's a nice thought, showing Connor around his home, and having him meet ma, and Eliza... but not Colin. Hopefully he'll be away at university if they go because Colin's such an asshole. But, he can show Connor the meadow he used to go play in as a kid, and take him down to the seaside to see the sites, and maybe up to some of the burial mounds nearby. Sean bets Connor would probably love the older stuff, he's smart, history is for smart people.
He doesn't want to hope, but he does anyway. It's what Sean's best at.
Connor's tired though, and Sean gives him another soft kiss on the shoulder.]
Do you need me to go so you can sleep or... do you want me to stay with you a while longer?
(no subject)
6/11/18 08:22 (UTC)[Connor's fingers tighten briefly in between Sean's and he brings his hand up to press his lips against the back of it. He's reluctant to let it go.]
If you want to go I can't exactly stop you. But I'd prefer if you stayed... Please.
(no subject)
6/11/18 15:25 (UTC)[It makes Sean so angry thinking about what they did to Connor. All the shit they convinced him was real that isn't. Taking a small kid and telling him hey, you're a tool for us to use, and we have a back-up waiting in the wings to take your place the moment we decide you've failed. Your only job is investigating things, and we're going to make you grow up without people, because clearly you'll do your best job when you don't know how to take care of yourself, or how to make yourself happy, or how to feel like you're worth something. Jesus Christ. He just tucks himself that one last half-inch closer, so they're perfectly nestled together like a pair of spoons.]
I don't want to go. I'm going to stay here until someone kicks me out.
[And that's exactly what Sean does, staying wrapped around Connor all through the night. He sleeps easier this way, and after the past few days in a holding cell, Sean's as tired as Connor is. He just keeps his arm around Connor and keeps him close, careful not to jostle Connor or hurt his wound any. He doesn't feel any more doubts about his choices after that, because he's made it. He's sticking with Connor.
And maybe someday soon, he'll introduce Connor to his mother as more than just a friend.]